


diamond-hard

by worry



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, Post-Episode: s02e04 Day of Wrath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9455519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: Raphael is safe now. It doesn't feel right.Jace approaches him slowly. His face is scarred and wet, something that Raphael understands. His face wet and burned but enduring. Jace enduring. Something is wrong. Something is very, verywrong."Um," he says, folding his hands behind his back, "I came to talk to Magnus about Jocelyn, and he said you were here, so...""And you came in here for what reason?"Raphael stands up to face Jace. If he can look threatening enough, if he can manage another hardened look, then maybe Jace will leave. Leave him to his haunting thoughts. Leave him alone with his trauma."I'm honestly not sure."





	

His terror, at this point, is unfounded; Camille is gone, Camille is gone, Camille is gone. Victor Aldertree isn't going to kill his family, he's safe. He doesn't know what being safe should feel like. It has been so long. Magnus Bane holding him. His mother holding him. The world holding him, his potential still blooming. His clan holding him upright. Dust. Everything went to dust.

 

Raphael is safe now. It doesn't feel right. 

 

There is always something brewing for him, there's always something that will haunt him. The images of Camille, fangs buried in the necks of children as they cry and scream,  _mom, mom, mom, please help, please,_ all too haunting to Raphael, all too familiar. Camille killing and draining and Raphael being unable to stop it. Raphael's life being stolen from him by sharpness. This is what he sees at night. Watching his friends - his  _family_ \- burn and burn because of him. This is what he sees, back of his mind, this is what he dreams about. It never leaves him. Raphael will always live like this.

 

Safety will never comfort him.

 

He's sitting in some corner of Magnus' loft, arms curled around his knees. It is a vulnerable position. Raphael does not care, only buries his head down. It all hurts. His face is still sore, still a bit burned. The scars are gone now, but the memory has stitched itself onto him.

 

There are footsteps in the background and Raphael assumes it is Magnus, getting ingredients for a potion, rearranging the centuries old home decor to a new perfect place. He has never been good with change, and Raphael can tell that Camille still hurts him, even in Idris, even with the Clave, even gone. Raphael will only give him space; he must deal with this on his own, just like Raphael dealt with himself on his own.

 

Then the door opens. It's not Magnus, he knows this instantly. It's _—_

 

_Angelic blood._

 

His head shoots up. "What the hell."

 

Jace approaches him slowly. His face is scarred and wet, something that Raphael understands. His face wet and burned but enduring. Jace enduring. Something is wrong. Something is very, very  _wrong._ "Um," he says, folding his hands behind his back, "I came to talk to Magnus about Jocelyn, and he said you were here, so..."

 

"And you came in here for what reason?"

 

Raphael stands up to face Jace. If he can look threatening enough, if he can manage another hardened look, then maybe Jace will leave. Leave him to his haunting thoughts. Leave him alone with his trauma.

 

"I'm honestly not sure."

 

Raphael laughs softly. It's the only laugh that he can find, the only thing that will come out. He is so, so  _tired_ of guarding himself. He is tired. He is just so tired of being hardened.

 

"Well, at least you're honest."

 

Jace exhales. "Listen, Simon told me what happened to you _—"_

 

"He shouldn't have done that," Raphael hisses. "It happened because of him, he has no right to go around telling people about my torture when he caused it."

 

"I know."

 

Raphael stops for a moment, looks into Jace's eyes. Sincerity. Disgusting Shadowhunter sincerity. "You know."

 

"That wasn't his call, I agree. He shouldn't have said anything. If he had told someone about what happened with me, I'd be pissed too."

 

Raphael wants to ask him about what happened,  _what did Valentine do to you, why have we both suffered, why is the world constantly hurting._ Jace has been nothing but dismissive of him in the past, but he survived Valentine Morgenstern. He is stronger than Raphael previously thought. Maybe Raphael isn't the only person tired of being hardened. 

 

But.

 

"I heard you saved Victor Aldertree's life," is all that he says.

 

"I had no idea that he had tortured you at that point," Jace replies in defense. "But I had to save him. I thought it was right. Valentine was there, he stole the Soul Sword, killed a Silent Brother. He had a warlock guarding him. I couldn't get to him, so I took out two of his men to save Victor, hoping that I could prove my loyalty to the Shadowhunters."

 

"So, you're saying you saved him to protect your own ass, not because you were genuinely interested in helping another person."

 

"That's not... look, he hurt me too. He was cruel. I wanted nothing more than to leave him, I don't even _like him,_  but you're wrong. I saved him because I thought it was right. Just like you did everything you possibly could to keep your clan safe, because that was right to you. We're not so different, Raphael."

 

"If you haven't forgotten, I'm a vampire, you're a Shadowhunter. Your kind tortured me and threatened to kill me  _and my family._ We will always be different. Don't pretend to relate to my experiences when you couldn't even begin to comprehend them."

 

Raphael wanted to ask, but now he knows, now he remembers. Jace at Simon's turning,  _we've had enough of your help,_ when Raphael was only helping them. They will never be even somewhat amicable.

 

"I... You're right, I'll never really know. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I'm sorry for what happened. If that means anything at all to you. I know they're not anywhere near similar, but we've both been through a lot. I'm just - tired. Valentine changed me. I want to make things right."

 

"What else did Simon tell you?" Raphael asks, because Simon is Simon and he can't stop talking, he'll cry wolf, and the Shadowhunters will threaten him again. He was only trying to save his family from Camille when he talked to Elaine. He never would have hurt her, but the Shadowhunters do not know this. 

 

"All he said was Victor tortured you, why?"

 

"Oh," Raphael says, and hardens his surprise, hardens himself again. Simon not being _as_ insensitive as he usually is baffles him, but he swallows it down. "Well. Okay then. Apology hesitantly accepted. Can you go now?"

 

"Raphael..."

 

"If you're truly sorry, you'll do what I say and leave me alone. Maybe we can talk about this later when my clan comes together again, but for now I'm not interested. I appreciate your apology, but actions mean more than words. You know that."

 

Jace nods, looks down at the floor. "Right. Yeah. I'll go."

 

He walks out. Raphael softens.

 

"Wait," he says.

 

"What?"

 

"I don't really like you, but no one deserves to be hurt by Valentine. You got through it. You're stronger than him. That's admirable. I'm sorry about whatever he did to you."

 

"Thanks," Jace says. His breathing is heavy as he leaves Magnus' loft; Raphael can hear it outside, far away, as Jace returns to the Institute.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be Jace/Raphael. I don't know how it happened. Anyways! Please tell me what you think. Thanks!


End file.
